The blog of the adventures (or mis-adventures) of an active mountain woman.

Rants from a Crazy Pregnant Lady

So Mountain Kidd has been lax on the postings lately. As I prepare for maternity leave in my real job, I’ve decided to drop off the face of the earth here as well. But I’ll leave you with a few pearls of wisdom before I go.

First off- all pregnant women are a little crazy. The degree of craziness is dependent on where they are in their pregnancy, but their hormones are doing completely psycho and unprecedented things. This is normal. And you should absolutely bear this in mind when speaking to a pregnant women. Without further delay, here are a few tips on how to talk to prenant women (bearing in mind that sometimes the best thing is to not say anything at all):

1) The older you are, the less I want to hear how I should feel.

This also applies if you’ve never been pregnant. Yes, I realize that most women don’t vomit past the first trimester. I am not one of those women. And having my 80-year-old neighbor say that I should feel better than I have in my whole life doesn’t actually help me feel better. I feel abnormal, which is not nice. I also don’t want to hear labor and delivery stories from 60 years ago. They are scary and generally not representative of how things are now. The fact that your husband brought you cigarettes in the group recovery room in the hospital should clue you in that times have changed.

2) Don’t ask, “One or two?”.

Ever.

3) If you’re not sure if a women is pregnant, don’t say anything at all.

Someone send me a postcard with this in big bold letters. Because my mail carrier actually said, “Are we gaining weight or expecting?”. Seriously. He said that. There has to be a pun with “going postal on the post man” or something in here…

3) Don’t comment on her size.

If the woman is under a doctor’s care, the doctor is monitoring her weight. You are not her doctor. Even “you’re so tiny” can be offensive to someone having a tough time gaining appropriate weight. And asking “How far are you?… But you’re so big!” is guaranteed to be a losing comment. I will harbor resentment towards that woman for many years, or at least the rest of my pregnancy. You can say something like “you look great!” or “I love that necklace!”. That’s about it.

As a general rule, remember the German proverb, “Never give advice unless asked.” I really, really did NOT want to hear that your stretch marks were so bad that they bled. And I kinda don’t believe you. Let the pregnant women clue you in on whether she wants to talk about the pregnancy at all. If your questions are met with recalcitrance, take that as a clue. She’s still a normal person under all that baby and may want to talk about something that non-pregnant people talk about in an attempt to feel somewhat “normal”. Mountain Kidd, over and out.

Disclaimer: The stupid stuff people say to me knows no bounds. I may follow up on this post at some point before giving birth. It may be irrational. The post may include the tip, “Don’t play a song entitled “pregnant women are smug” for a pregnant women.”.

3 Responses to “Rants from a Crazy Pregnant Lady”

  1. Jo-Ellen Smith says:

    Be sure to post this in your e-baby book, so you can look back on it in 20 years and curb your advice-giving/story telling tendencies at that time. 😉 If you can excercise such control, you will be in the exceptional 1% of women.
    Pregnancy is a blessing in many ways. It is one of those very brief times in your life when it is all about you. After you give birth, it is all about the baby, and your role(s) in life are significantly re-defined. As time goes by, we forget the agonies of pregnancy (mostly) and incorporate the experience into how we tell the story of our lives. By listening to the others’ stories, we connect on a basic human level. Enjoy this very human experience!

  2. Bex says:

    Oh Shell! I can’t believe the crap that some people say–its never polite to comment on a persons size. I obviously am not handing out pregnancy advice being sans baby and all. I do find it troubling to think about motherhood in terms of “pregnancy”—being pregnant seems at best challenging and at worst all consuming. Now becoming a parent is wonderful and I wish you and Colby the best. I will continue to provide totally non-baby related conversations. Though some baby themed gifts will be headed your way shortly! (cutest thing ever I am waiting for from baby gap!)

  3. OMG did I tell you this story before: Okay, so you know I have digestion issues (well, if you didn’t know, you do now)… And so anyways, I was working out one morning in a sports bra and I looked quite… BLOATED… Well mid-way through my work out a PERSONAL TRAINER comes up to me and saying, “how far along are you?” I was TOTALLY taken off guard so I responded, “I’m sorry, I don’t like to talk about it.” It was RIDICULOUS considering I look about 15 years old, LOL!! PLUS: #1 Rule of Trainers – DO NOT EVER ask a woman if she is pregnant UNLESS the woman says so (or is your client). RIDICULOUS RIGHT?!?! LOL. That being said, I completely agree with your # 3! 😛 Oh and I guess I agree with # 2 as well, LOL!

    PS: You could totally dress up as SANTA THIS YEAR!!! Keep yourself busy when you go on pre-baby maternity leave?? Can I sit on your lap?

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